AFGHANISTAN MON AMOUR!!

So there’s some OBAMA DRAMA – looks like the CHOSEN ONE has some tarnish on the ol’ patina cabesa– no healthcare (well, leave it up to that block of wood HARRY REED and the runner-up to the Tim Curry look-alike contest NANCY PELOSI and we’ll be paying $200 for a band-aid!), energy (well, fuck, let’s all get a damn Prius and a nutsack full of $1 Whole Foods reusable bags and it’ll be cold enough to see Mastodons dry humping in Corona!!)– it’s all slipping away from Baraky…..but now what’s giving him a bigger ulcer than GLENN BECK doing the briss on JOE BIDEN’S withered man tube while getting a reach around from Bill O’Reilly is the “good” war – AFGHANISTAN, or more popularly known as “that pile of rocks from the 13TH CENTURY”!! So it’s getting’ away from us…and OBAMA is under pressure to SHIT OR GET OFF IRAN (hey, it rhymes!) – does he pay lip service to his hybrid driving medical pot smoking limp wristed electorate who demand a total withdrawal and then turn the whole place into CAMP DIRTY BOMB (I think I went to the Long Island branch when I was 8….I hated farts and crafts I tells ya!) or, COMMITT 60,000 MORE TROOPS and give General McChrystal a woody that would make NASA’s new retro “back-to-the-past” waste of cash moon program jealous!

And what else is the result of this insanity - overworked, shell shocked 20 year olds, victims of MORON BUSHES USELESS WARS – forced to do more tours than the Amy Winehouse tours of UK rehab centers – NO NO NO!!! OBAMA MAMA SAID NO!! What are we, Chad? Upper Volta?? Six Flags??? WE’RE THE GODDMAN UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – are we gonna fight donkeys with pea shooters??? JUST NUKE THE DAMN DEAL!!! They have burros – WE HAVE STEALTH BOMBERS – they have dudes who keep their woman bound and at home pounding bread dough on rocks (hey, not a bad idea – KIDDING) – WE HAD SKYLAB (didn’t that fall on Chernobyl?? I gotta read more!!) – so, here’s the solution – GET OUR BOYS OUT, NUKE ‘EM FLAT, when it stops glowing like a Timex Indiglow on a harried hookers wrist, FLOOD THE PLACE WITH STARBUCKS AND BURGER KINGS! You know that’s what we wanna do, it’s what we do best – America has only two exports left – OBESITY AND DIABETES – and the world can’t get enough – with all their commie wealth, they’re called CHUNKS now in China!!! So that’s it – problem solved, case closed!!

And, if you wanna avoid the thousands of years of DANGEROUS RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT – then just bombard them with CHAPULAS AND POP TARTS NOW – cut to the chase – pudgy terrorists won’t be able to get a suicide belt around their bulging burkas – the corpulently cuddly don’t wanna do anything but sit around, eat and watch lesbo porn – I SHOULD KNOW! All I do is pound the eggrolls and lie around all day WRITING THIS SHIT!! So there you go, Pres. Obama – MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, AGAIN….now get me my free gastric bypass and ass reduction, government option, of course – and a bucket of suicide hot wings with a side of cheese fries in recovery!